Em Liturgies if the Wild, the Martin Shaw
Be extravagant and protracted and real in your grief. Don't worry about doing it wrong. Labour over the preparation, exhaust yourself, show up. Make something by hand. Read stories to the beloved, allow yourself to go numb to it all. Fall asleep, get up, rinse and repeat. But don't let a chance like this go by. This is a time outside of time, and extraordinary things can happen. The Other Place is much closer. Dress better as your old ones may be watching. Get a few grey hairs and don't think about plucking them out. Derailment is mandatory, but not to be forced. Make sure people see the body if they possibly can. Don't expect anything to be the same, even when folks stop dropping off pasta dishes at the door. You have entered a new, deepened world now. It has something to say to you.
It seems Death is the great integrity maker of us all, if we agree to bend our heads. There is terrible deficit in the way many of us are born into this world, and it seems there is an equal absence in many of our departures.
I remember a story about Wallace Black Elk. It was noticed that one of his long plaits was dangingly untidily while the other was ordered and neat. It rather ruined his look.
Why so? he was asked. My wife is dead, he replied, as if it required no further answer.
And of course, it didn't.
